So, a friend of mine posted the following message today:
He's not a great tenant - if he applies to stay at your place, turn him down, no matter how much rent he offers.
Trying to sleep, amidst the throat-destroying body-wracking coughs...
DEATH INCARNATE!!!!
GET UP
YOU CADAVEROUS THING
YOU INANIMATE CLOD
YOU BANKRUPT MEPHISTOPHELES WHO OFFERS NOTHING BUT THE WAY OF PAIN, MARAUDING AND FORCING YOURSELF UPON THE SOULS OF THOSE WHO WOULD DEFY YOU.
I WASH MY HANDS OF YOU, I APPLY ANTIBACTERIAL LOTION UPON YOUR ASPECT. ULTRASONIC WAVES, OR BLASTS OF RADIATION ARE NOT TOO GOOD FOR THE BODY OF YOUR VILE IMPEDIMENTS. FIE!
O GRAVE SAINT, VENERATION OF PESTILENCE, AND BIZARRO HERO ONLY TO THE OFFSPRING OF SUFFERING'S MOST WRETCHED MINIONS, WITH WHAT COLD MALFEASANCE DO YOU GLEAM UPON THE EYES OF MY FAITHFUL COMPANIONS? WITH WHAT FELL CALCULATIONS DO YOU DESIGN UPON THE JUST? WHAT GROTESQUE SCREWS OF ENCUMBRANCE DO YOU SINK INTO THE BUOYANCIES OF HOPE?
A POX UPON YOU FOR THE POX UPON HIM.
MAY THE SWEET RELIEF OF DISEASE STRIKE YOU FROM HIS GENTLE THROAT, AND GIVE TONGUE TO THE FELL SOUNDS WHICH SPELL YOUR DOOM AND HIS SWEET RESPITE. UNTIL AT LAST TO FEET BETAKE, AND FLEE THE GATES, AND LEAVE FAR BEHIND THE FAIR TEETH FULL BARED AGAINST YOUR RETURN.