Trusting yourself
It's odd, isn't it, that we can't trust ourselves. But it shouldn't be, right? We are, I suppose, finite, and by definition unable to fully comprehend or accomplish the best course of thought and action. It is often when we feel most competent that we are the greatest danger to ourselves. Yet a lack of confidence can be our biggest mistake.
Then there are the vulnerable times, when it seems like there is little to ground us, to hold us down, or to hold us together as a person. We also need friends, but while they sometimes introduce stability and progress, they also introduce a greater level of uncertainty. The classic examples, of course, are the emotional times, immediately after breaking up, leaving home, or losing a loved one. But reason also can blind itself when we desire strongly, when we wish to achieve, or when we trust in dubious information because it fits our preconceptions.
There is, of course, always God, unchanging in a changing world, relentless in love. But He is wise and true, and His actions are always the best, which makes Him seem capricious in our changing world. He does not exist to inspire competence, but rather aims to inspire trust.
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For now, my existence and continued success rely completely on new friends I barely know, an institution which I have not yet formally joined, the machinations of bureaucracy, and a God whose acts are never far from my sight.
So far, all has been well.
- People have been generous, patient, courteous, and kind.
- The staff at St. John's College, Cambridge have been so accommodating and helpful, it nearly takes my breath away. Better yet, they do it with a smile.
- Bureaucracy is my new friend (Sorry B3). It's quite a comfort to read policies, travel the hierarchy, and accomplish official tasks, such as gaining bank accounts, arranging medical details, and purchasing insurance. The personal touch might be nice for people who know a culture well, but I, a newcomer, would fail dismally unless the rigid systems of order and process were in place.
- By arriving early, I obtained the time to complete these tasks at a reasonable pace, which makes my transition a relatively calm experience.